sleeping

Slept til 11(!) - 2 hours late for ribavirin so hurriedly got up ate cereal and popped pills. Asleep again on sofa from 3 til 5pm, then took dog out in sunshine and went and sat in our local bird hide watching all sorts of wonderful wildlife coming and going. Today I saw a great spotted woodpecker, a sparrowhawk and a pheasant - along with all the other finches, yellowhammers, sparrows and tits. It's not often you get to see wildlife at such close quarters and to experience rabbits running towards you rather than away is such a treat!

Have got that itchy urticaria rash on my arms again - I think from iron tablets (which I have now replaced with floradix). It's a bit like swings and roundabouts this treatment - one symptom subsides to be replaced by another. My energy levels haven't been too bad recently, in between naps anyway! I really must try to get out more.

Am struggling a bit at the moment with the implications of all this - which I do periodically. I tend to go round and round in terms of acceptance of how my life now looks. Sometimes I feel really philosophical and at peace with how things are, and trust in the universe and what will be. There is something very nice and calm about feeling this way, and actually when I think about it it tends to be when I am meditating more regularly. At the moment I'm finding it hard not to plan for this treatment not working. Whilst I firmly believe that you have some part in creating your own reality and health, I just can't convince myself that I could be one of the G1's for whom this treatment will work. And then I think 'well if I don't believe in it how can it possibly work?'. And as treatment goes on I'm already starting to worry about stopping! That may sound strange but although treatment is hard, at least I'm in some way safely coccooned from having to face it not working. I remember at my week 12 tests (we don't get our results til 4 weeks of hell later) I was really frightened. When I eventually plucked up courage to ring the hospital, and the nurse told me I was down below 600 (undetectable) it was hard to believe she had the right person 'are you sure they are my results? have you got my date of birth right?'. She did, and yet here I am again thinking the worst, not daring to imagine that life could continue without the weight of HepC that I have carried for the last 20 or so years - the majority of my life in fact.